its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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