she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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