Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
