So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
