dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize