They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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