he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You pole danced in your parka.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
