The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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