I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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