there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
