Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
