I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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