Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
