hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
