i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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