I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Green mimosas i think yes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
