I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
