I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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