I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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