either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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