I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
