this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
