I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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