when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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