My first STD was from a foam party
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am spending my child support on dildos
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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