If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sarcasm needs its own font
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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