i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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