We're facebook friends in real life
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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