I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
