I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
