I'm lost and stupid without you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
