Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
