everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All the doctor said was why
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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