the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
