so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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