Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
