Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
