did you get engaged???
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
