i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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