My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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