There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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