Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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