yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
