listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
third nipple confirmed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
