we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize