the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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