WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
