i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
