We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize