I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
