Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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