Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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