I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
