i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
