My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
