so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
