It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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