You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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