walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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