Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
