I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
