you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dick has a subreddit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
