How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A bitchslap is in order.
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