Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
