And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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